HOW TO GET THROUGH CHRISTMAS WHEN YOU ARE SAD

[Carol Anne Kincaid~Paradis]

Nice Thought- We Can’t Stop Troubles From Coming Towards Us, But.. We Can Make Sure We Do Not Offer Them Chair To Sit On ...

Life void of hardship would

be a shallow, textureless 

monotone.   It is in contrast

to hardship that peace and 

joy find depth of meaning..

How to Get Through Christmas When You Are Sad

Sharon K. Grossman

Christmas is not all about Santa, elves, and sugar plum fairies when one suffers from depression, a loved one is gone, or Christmas brings back memories of hurt feelings. For some, finances play a part in their sadness. Many people experience post-Christmas depression in the New Year as well when all the hustle and bustle ends and families depart. What are some ways that we might make the Christmas season a lot easier to get through when we are sad?

Most importantly, tone down your efforts and expectations, both mentally and physically, and do not try to make Christmas live up to an ideal, whatever that might be. Make Christmas a no-guilt zone in your life. We tend to have a "Christmas box" where each year, we bring out certain traditions that are ingrained in us from little on up which have nearly become monsters who will turn and rend us if we do not allow them out of the box. Ever feel even slightly apologetic that you didn't put up a tree? Have you suffered a pang of guilt that someone sent you a Christmas card and you didn't send one back? When we are sad, the feeling of hopelessness is made worse when guilt is added to the mix.

Lowering expectations will also help prevent the after-Christmas "let down," which would add to the already present sad feelings. If at all possible, plan something after Christmas to look forward to so that Christmas Day is not the ultimate focus.

Never beat yourself up about anything pertaining to Christmas. Charles Dickens may have done us no favor in inventing the character of Ebenezer Scrooge.

I have gone through some hard times during the last several years when I did not decorate for Christmas except to put a wreath on my front door or set a lighted snowman in one window. My children and I decided to forego gifts as we had everything we needed. I did fix a Christmas ham and had candy and candles around the house, but those were about it for our Christmas.

The first year that we did this, I awoke Christmas morning with the realization that it really is just another day in our lives. Everything was continuing just fine with us as the world set about opening their presents, but as I lie there thinking, to my amazement, I realized we actually were more than just fine. I experienced such a feeling of freedom that it was incredible. I had had none of the economic juggling to contend with, none of the pressures to buy, buy, buy, and none of the burden of addressing Christmas cards, putting up and taking down the tree, or figuring out what gifts to give each person, all the while being sad.

Please do not misunderstand. I am not against those things. I am outlining ideas on how to get through Christmas when conditions are less than favorable in your life. I assure you that for those sad times when it is a chore to sing Christmas Carols, it certainly is all right to lay it all down.

Realize as well that the Thomas Kinkade Christmas paintings are an ideal but somewhat unrealistic. They are images of what we would really like to experience, but very few do. Most of us are like window shoppers looking at those soft, fuzzy images of Kinkade's classic Christmas scenes, but we do not have the ability to buy into it so we never go inside. We stand for a little while gazing at them and imagining ourselves there. Wouldn't it be wonderful just to be there? Away from all the problems and violence in the world. Away from our own struggles and sadness. Then we turn away, and the scene fades.

Therefore, do not attempt to make your life fit a Kinkade Christmas painting, but protect yourself from that kind of exercise in futility. When you are sad, it is best not to dwell on those scenes. Let your mind dwell on things that you are thankful for in your life, however small they might be. These are what are real. Thankfulness has the power to lift our spirits.

Bad Christmas memories are hard to deal with as well. These are the lingering memories of being slighted by family members, perhaps who gave better gifts to others or gave you none at all or even worse, gave abuse. Hurt feelings can run from the past right up to the present while you are forced to be in the company of someone who was mean and continues to be so. When we are sad, this can build the tension to unbearable levels. Time to limit your exposure to these people. Would it not be better to stay away if the hurt feelings are only made worse? Find a way to graciously bow out. If you HAVE to be in the same location as this person, make yourself scarce in their presence. Silence is golden, and distance makes it easier to be silent. Do this for the sake of yourself and for the sake of others. A family row at Christmas compounds every problem associated with the family. Most, if not all, will ever forget it.

As best that you can, take the way out of the trap of bad Christmas memories by forgiving. Forgiveness does not relieve the offender of their responsibility in the wrong, but it releases the one offended from being emotionally bound by it. It is impossible to move forward without forgiveness. Just decide to forgive. You do not have to feel forgiving in order to decide to forgive. It will help to cope with those memories.

Finally, if you are alone at Christmas because you have lost a loved one or for whatever reason and you are sad about it, remember that you really are not alone. It may sound weird, but you always have yourself. Cultivate a friendship with yourself and take good care of who is closest to you. If you can be a companion to someone else, then you can be a companion to yourself. Do for yourself what you would do for a companion.

You CAN get through Christmas when you are sad and perhaps be transformed in the process. Be your own guide on what to eliminate and what to keep without any outside pressure, and wake up Christmas morning with a few less things to be concerned about. Would that not be the best Christmas present of all?

Which tree do you like?

The Beauty of Nature nudges

at our despair like few other

things can do.No matter the 

season, something ubique

and lovely outdoors can

touch out souls.

To me being with nature

gives me peace and I have

never found it to be a waste 

of time...Stay safe and Warm

Love and Blessings.Carol Anne...